For the loss of those
by iana2
Summary: dilandau centered fic about the miserable truth about him. without anyone noticing it, dilandau is slowly starting to shatter. the cold, emotionless facades falling apart, little by little. maybe there's too many pieces missing that can never be replaced
1. Chapter 1

  
**For the loss of those...  
**  
  
Dilandou stormed through the empty corridor.   
Gritting his teeth hardly and his eyes burning of anger. He was in rage. Blood was still trickling down his cheek and he desperatly tried to stop the wound from bleeding with a shivering hand.  
  
he hissed loudly, cutting his nails into the sore skin of his cheek.   
That bastard. How dared he as much as touch his pretty face. How dared he harm it!   
Dilandou started to shake of the pure rage, boiling inside of him. He would certainly make the young king remember his failures.  
He increased his speed and kept on rushing towards the door at the end of the dim hall.   
  
he yelled without reply.  
He stoped outside the door and swung it open brutally, now standing face to face with the strategos. he hissed loudly and Folken looked up, facing the furious capten blankly.   
  
he said, a bored tone to his voice.   
Dilandou took it as an invitation and entered the room without further complains from the older man, who knew it was hopeless even to try and stop the raged youth.  
Dilandou stoped infront of him and fixed his mad eyes at him.   
  
he said and pointed at his cheek.   
  
Look what he did to me! That disgusting, irritating brother of yours! he spat and Folken gave him a look, staying at the same calmed level as always.   
  
What about it Dilandou? he asked and Dilandou's eyes grew wide in anger.   
  
HE RUINED MY FACE!! he yelled, as if a regular tone wouldn't reach the other man's ears. A short silence fell over the place for a while, the only audioable thing would be Dilandous heavily breathing from the rage.  
Suddenly a slight smile spread on Folken's lips and he looked Dilandou deeply in the eyes.   
  
I think it suits you very well... he said and Dilandou gasped softly.   
  
The youth made a slight twitch in shock and stared at the strategos with big, surprised eyes.  
Then he got reminded of his anger and quickly turned away his gaze.  
He crossed his arms over his chest and turned his nose into the air as he let out a soft .   
  
Still he shall be punished for his foolish behavior. I cannot just let him go after causing me this much pain. he said, a slight tone of annoyance in his voice. Folken looked at him intensly. Suddenly his eyes seemed almost worried as he watched the younger boy.   
You should take care of that and not just let the blood keep flowing, Dilandou. he said and turned around, looking for something.  
  
Dilandou continued without really caring what the older man was doing and a mocking smirk crossed his lips. Don't think I'll spare him just because he happens to be relative to you! And don't think that I care either for that ma---! he was suddenly cut of when Folken turned back to him again and carefully placed a bandage aid on the youth's cheek.  
  
Dilandou froze and another surprised gasp escaped his lips. He stared at the taller man infront of him looking back at him seriously.   
There, now go do whatever you want about this 'caused pain' that is troubling you so. Folken said, a slight sarcasm in his voice, yet it wasn't mocking.   
  
Dilandou just stood there, unable to move. His eyes blinking and his mouth letting out a slight sound of a .  
The other man walked past him and headed for the entrance, which Dilandou had come storming in from just a moment ago.   
  
Me myself, I have other things to care about... he said and left the room, leaving the young capten totaly stunned and alone in the room.  
  
A long silence followed and Dilandou let out a slight gasp as he moved his hand to touch the soft fabric of the aid on his cheek.  
  
-Pain-  
  
_***  
  
Didn't you say you wanted to be---  
  
SHUT UP!  
  
But you said it yourself. That you wanted to---  
  
SHUT UP! I'm sick of your ramblings about me! I am ME and no one else, don't even try to take that away from me!  
  
Take what away from you?  
  
What is it you're trying to protect?  
  
_Dilandou lurched upright suddenly, and his eyes snapped open wide. Gasping for breath, and taking in his surroundings. He swallowed and ran his fingers over the bandage aid on his cheek.  
  
-Pain-  
  
He breathed out deeply and looked around. It was early morning.  
He grabbed his clothes laying thrown on a chair beside the bed and dressed quickly.  
He opened the door and stoped suddenly, turning around and taking a quick check on the room before he left.  
  
***  
  
Chesta, Gatti! Dilandou yelled and the two young dragonslayers took a step forward as they bowed deeply.   
  
they replied and Dilandou smirked blissfully.   
  
Tell the others that I want them downstairs on the deck in ten minutes. We have orders! he said and the two dragonslayers excused themselves with a bow, then hurrying away to inform the others.  
Dilandou smirked for himself. Finally a fight. Some battle would always bright up his day. He was just about to head downstairs when suddenly a voice stoped him.  
  
the strategous voice rang in his ears and he stoped, turning around quickly. Standing face to face with the older man. Yes Strategos? said Dilandou with a wide smile playing on his lips.  
Folken stared at him seriously. Don't do anything stupid... he said and Dilandou chuckled softly. Oh well don't you worry about me my dear Strategos... he said and a sly smirk curled up his lips.   
  
If I were you, I'd be more conscerned about my precious little brother... he said in a mocking voice and turned on the heal.  
Folken watched him walk away down the long corridor, his eyes darkening, as he looked down in the ground.   
What is it you're trying to accomplish...? Dilandou...   
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

  
the furious capten yelled and struck another fist in the poor soldiers face. Gatti stumbled backwards with the force and fell to the ground helplessly. Blood drippled on the ground, and a soft whimper of pain escaped his bleeding lips.   
  
Dilandou breathed heavily and turned to the other soldiers in the room, standing in a line trying to look unaffected by the scene that had just occured infront of their eyes.   
  
You idiots! he hissed and walked back and forth infront of them.   
He eyed them intensly, one after one for each step.   
  
You're all fools... incompetent...worthlesss...pathetic failures all of you! he said a little louder, stoping by the end of the line of nervous soldiers.   
A tense silence followed and suddenly Dilandou reached out a hand in the air.   
  
he shouted and the brown haired boy steped forward.   
  
Yes sir. the boy replied, awaiting his orders. Dilandou let his arm fall to his side again, and started walking towards the exit with a sigh. Clean up the mess here and make sure that incompetent fool is not still on my floor when I return. he ordered and Migel bowed. Yes sir. I understand sir.  
  
Dilandou walked down the hall quickly. He wanted to get away from all this foolishness. All this incompetence and failure.  
The rythmical pattern of his footsteps echoed between the walls of the empty hallway and he dropped his sight to the ground. If only that girl was dead. That bitch from the mystic moon. It was her fault!   
  
Everything was her fault. If it wouldn't have been for her, Van would have been dead already. He would have gotten his revenge.  
Suddenly he heared something. A silent noise yet loud enough to interupt the upset thoughts in his head. He stoped and listened.   
  
A child's giggle.  
  
He froze and a shiver ran through his body. He turned around quickly. Who's there?! he demanded to know but no one answered.  
There it was again. But this time, more like a whisper. As if someone was trying to say something.   
  
Dilandou spun around again only to find himself standing alone in the dim light of the hallway. His heavy breathtakes echoed through the silence and his evey muscle tensing.  
  
What's the matter with me... I don't hallucinate... he thought bitterly and was just about to turn around and walk away again when suddenly he stood eye to eye with a blonde little girl.   
  
Her childish face was as pale as the light blonde hair in her eyes. A smile playing on her sweet lips as she reached out her arm towards him and pointed right at him. Her blue eyes glimmered.  
she said and Dilandou gasped in slightly, his body frezing.  
He blinked and the next secound she was gone again. For a while he just stood there, his eyes open wide in shock.  
  
His breath irregular and heavy as he slowly lifted his hands to his head.  
What are you doing? a voice penetratted his mind suddenly and he spun around once again to face Folken.   
he gasped and the strategos gave him a look.   
  
Dilandou? You seem pale, what's the matter? he asked and took a few steps closer. Dilandou felt the ground starting to move under him and his legs got weaker.   
  
His head started to spin and he stumbled slightly as he moved away from the other man. Don't come near me! he yelled and found it harder to stand up as his body started to shake.  
  
He tried to focus on the ground but wasn't able to stand straight much longer, and then he fell.  
Folken gasped slightly and hurried over to the young boy, catching him before he hit the hard floor.   
  
he said a little louder.  
  
The boy in his arms wasn't breathing anymore and his eyes closed. Folken shook the body slightly in a try to wake him up. he yelled and shook him roughly. WAKE UP!  
  
_Wake up....  
  
Where am I?  
  
Wake up...!  
  
Do you know what this is?  
  
No.... what is it?  
  
Don't look!!  
  
This is you...  
  
  
  
Who am I?  
  
Don't look at me like that!!  
  
Go away!  
  
Wake up!  
  
This is you...  
  
Dilandou Albatou...  
  
  
  
_Dilandou's eyes flickered open softly. He blinked to accostume to the dim darkness and sat up in the bed, looking around. He scanned every item in the room.   
He heared footsteps outside and quickly fixed his eyes on the door with an intense look.   
  
The sound died away as quickly as it had appeard. Probably just a guard passing his room. Yet Dilandou couldn't let his eyes of the door. It was like he watched something that wasn't even there. He was totaly still in his bed, he barely dared to breath.  
  
He was convinced that any secound, someone would appear there, infront of him. But nothing happened and he looked down in the floor.  
  
What is this...? he thought bitterly. This is not like me...  
  
He got up from the bed and realized he had been sleeping with his clothes still on.   
He decided not to pay any attention to it and headed for the door. He grabbed the door knob and turned it slowly. He quickly turned his head and let his eyes sweap over the room one last time before he opened the door.   
  
he whispered to himself and left the room.  
  
He ran his fingers through his thick, silverish hair as he walked down the long corridor. It was early and everyone seemed to be still asleep. He couldn't help but feel a little lonely there in the deep darkness. A sudden impulse hit him and his usual smirk curled up his lips. He walked on towards the dragonslayers chambers and stoped outside the door.   
  
It was totaly silent inside of there and his grin grew wider. He swung the door open and stoped in the doorway with a rageful look in his pale face. You incompetent fools! What are you doing here sleeping! Get up immediately! he yelled as loud as he could (which is loud).  
  
The sleeping dragonslayers all twitched at the sudden noise and they all rushed up from their beds.   
Yes sir. We're sorry sir! they said all at once and bowed numerous times. Dilandou smirked of delight inwardly. His eyes darkening of madness as he walked towards the linedup soldiers and stoped infront of one of them.   
  
What's the reason behind this stupidity. Have I ever given you permission to sleep away your time like this?! Dilandou said loudly and fixed his burning eyes on the nervous young boy infront of him.   
  
The young slayer swallowed and opened his mouth.   
Please forgive us sir, but Lord Folken dismissed us last night after Lord Dilandou apparantly felt ill... the soldier answered and swallowed hard, awaiting a slap in the face or a loud voice telling him to shut up about his foolishness.   
  
But the usual treatment didn't seem to satisfy the capten today.  
Dilandou frowned at the soldier, his eyes glowing of anger.   
  
What did you just say? he asked, his voice suddenly calmer.   
  
The blond soldier straighten up a bit and draught for his breath. Lord Folken permitted us to dismiss the rest of the night, since my Lord apparently had fallen ill... the soldier repeated and this time a fist struk his face quickly.   
  
Dilandou clenched his teeth.   
  
Shut up! he yelled and eyed the other soldiers with his eyes burning of rage. And why wasn't I ever noticed about this 'apparent illness'? he said and looked away in irritation. The thought annoyed him that Folken would claim Dilandou as ill ifront of his soldiers.  
  
He snorted and turned around in annoyance. Don't make this foolishness a habit, or I'll have to beat that stupidity out of you all. I certainly hope you understand this is not to be repeated. Is that clear?! he hissed and headed for the exit. The soldiers bowed deeply.   
  
Of course sir. Forgive us sir!   
  
Dilandou stormed down the dark corridor towards the main hall and Folken's chambers once again. This time his fury was undescribable. Even though he couldn't remember much of last night, he would not lose his face to some underclass soldiers with the reason he would have been ill.   
  
He hated to lose his face. And it was a grudge to deep to be forgotten as easy as just a little dismissal.  
  
He stoped outside the door and pulled the doorknod, which appeared to be locked. His rage grew in irritation and he started banging on the door furiously. he yelled madly.   
  
Open the damn door immediately or I won't hesitate to kick it open!   
  
The poundings on the door continued as suddenly the doorhandle moved and the door sliped open. Dilandou rushed inside and turned around to face the older man.   
  
What is this nonsense about my 'apparent illness' last night that my soldiers was dismissed for! I demand you to answer me Folken! he yelled and Folken carefully closed the door again, slowly turning around to face the upset capten blankly.   
  
What about it Dilandou? he asked with his usual calm voice.  
Dilandou clenched his teeth hardly in anger.  
  
'What about it', you always say! Don't diss what I'm saying like that! he yelled and looked away in annoyance to avoid that stone look of Folken.  
What do you mean with dismissing my soldiers just like that without noticing me first, or just getting the idea without my knowledge! he continued in the same loud voice and Folken sighed deeply and looked away uninterested.   
That was it.  
  
Dilandou fixed his eyes on the strategos and felt his whole body shiver in rage. Are you even listening to me Strategos! Don't give me that arrogant face! I'm dead serio---! he shouted and was quickly cut of when the older man had suddenly made a swift movement and pushed him into the wall, now leaning over him and holding him still with his metall arm fiercly grasping his throat.  
  
So am I Dilandou! he said loudly, for once his voice wasn't calm and unnaffected.  
Dilandou gasped and swallowed in the tight grasp around his throat and his wide eyes glared at the strategos.   
  
He struggled slightly but it was hopeless in the iron grip of Folken's metall arm. He opened his mouth slightly in a try to speak, but found it impossible aswell.  
Folken stared deeply into the redish eyes of the young boy and leaned in even closer.   
  
You care about the wrong thing Dilandou. The dismissal of your soldiers isn't necessarilly important. The thing to worry about in this case is yourself! his voice was loud and serious, his eyes burning of something indistincted to Dilandou and the young boy swallowed again as he felt Folken's grip loosen up a little.  
  
I don't know what happened to you last night but you was apparently not at all in condition of climbing into that Guymelef. Therefor, the dimissal of your soldiers since I don't find them stable enough to carry out the mission on their own.   
Dilandou snorted and broke free from the grip around his throat. His sight dropping to the ground not to meet the other's eyes.  
  
That is none of your concern. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. he spat and something in Folken's eyes darkened.   
  
He moved away from the boy and Dilandou rose his hand to touch his throat.  
Have it your way then. But don't expect me to carry you to your room next time you fall to the ground unconsciously infront of my eyes. he said and turned around and headed for the door.   
  
Dilandou gasped slightly at what Folken just had said and the rage in his eyes softened suddenly. He watched as the strategos left the room and vanished in the dim shadows in the corridor.   
  
His breath becoming lighter as he though about what he just heard.   
  
_Falling to the ground unconsciously infront of my eyes...  
_  
  
***  
  
**Authors note: **Oh thank you for reviewing! It really brings back the lust to write more! ^^;; Oh, and thank you Sk8t Girl for your tip, I've changed the Review Prepositions now so also anonymous reviews are welcome.   
Didn't know about that action before, so I really appreciated it! ^__^  
  
I made the paragraphs too! Realized what a hell you must have suffered through reading this compact stuff... sorry about that, it won't happen again, it's just easily made when you sitt down writing for hours and you get lazier and lazier for each word.... -___-  
  



	3. Chapter 3

_  
_Lord Dilandou, you have permission to leave the deck any time now, at your command. a guard said and bowed infront of his superior.  
  
the silver haired boy said and a wide smirk curled up his lips.  
  
He turned away from the guard and headed for his red guymelef. Chesta! Gatti! he yelled and the two slayers appeared on the deck. Yes sir!   
Get ready for take of, all of you! he ordered and the slayers disappeared again with a bow.  
  
Dilandou was so looking forward to this. He loved the sweet little moment just before take of. He had been waiting for this order and he would certainly not fail this time. His soul was on fire and he needed this battle to get back to his usual self again.  
He had felt so strange lately.   
  
Nightmares disturbed him repeatedly at night and during the days he couldn't focus on much else than his plans of how to get his revenge on the young king of Fanelia. The bastard who had scarred his pretty face.  
His fingers softly caressed the sore scar on his cheek and his eyes darkened for a secound.  
  
My revenge on Van Fanel... he thought in exitement and the wicked smirk on his lips widened again.   
  
the strategos voice rang in his ears suddenly and Dilandou let out a deep sigh as he lazily turned around to face the older man. he said in irritation. The exitement in his face was like blown away, and replaced with a bored look.   
  
Where are you going? Folken asked and Dilandou straighten up a bit, a grin curling up his lips. I though I was going to a dragon hunt to slay your troublesome brother. he answered and the smirk on his lips widened.   
Folken gave him a blank look.   
  
You though wrong. You're not going anywhere. he answered shortly and Dilandou froze suddenly, his wide eyes staring intensly at the strategos as the smirk on his lips faded slowly.   
  
What did you say? he asked in amasement.  
  
Folken turned around.   
I said you're staying here. I won't allow you to go. he said and started walking away as if nothing had happened. Dilandou didn't understand what the man was saying at first.   
  
He blinked and watched him walk away slowly. What do you mean 'won't allow me'? I am going, you can't stop me! he shouted after him.   
  
A short silence followed and Folken stoped and spun around. You aren't going, no arguments! he said, giving a look to the guards by the wall and they nodded, walking towards the young boy and grabbing his arms.  
  
Dilandou just stared at the strategos infront of him as the soldiers grasped him, he broke free and took a few steps forward.   
  
You can't be serious! What is this Folken, your way of trying and save your precious brother?! Hah! I refuse to submit to such foolish matters! he yelled and the guards grabbed him by his arms and started to drag the struggling boy away.  
Folken stared at him blankly and turned around.   
  
No Dilandou, this is my way of dealing with what you aren't able to deal with yourself. came his short reply and he started walking towards the exit.   
  
Dilandou snorted in amasement and his wide eyes watched the strategos until he was out of sight.   
  
You bastard! I hate you Folken! I refuse!! You're gonna regret this, I promise you! I hate you so much Folken! Don't think you can stop me! his furious screamings echoed through the silence, until he was carefully locked up in his room.  
  
***  
  
Dilandou screamed in rage and threw the wine glass into the wall with a fierce movement. He clenched his teeth and breathed heavily. he hissed loudly.  
  
L-Lord Dilandou... the guard said and hesistated to reach out an arm towards the raged capten. Dilandou struk a fist in his face and his body shuddered of anger. Shut up! he yelled and hit the guard once more, with even more force.   
  
Why is he doing this to me! I was looking forward to this and there he comes, taking all the fun away from my life! That bastard! God, I hate him so much! he yelled and turned away from the bleeding guard.   
  
He grabbed the bottle on the table and took a deep drought. He was starting to feel dizzy after too much anger and too much wine.   
  
He screamed again and threw away the bottle into the wall as well.   
The guard swallowed as he carefully touched his bleeding lip.   
Dilandou was rather drunk by now and turned around to face the guard again. He grabbed him by the collar of his uniform, jerking him up against the wall.   
  
he said, a smirk curling up his lips.   
  
I want to talk to the strategos. he said and the guard swallowed as he nodded quickly. Y-Yes, of course sir. I'll go get him immediately sir. he said and someone appeared in the doorway suddenly.   
  
I'm right here Dilandou, what do you want? Folken said and Dilandou looked up from the guard with an even wider smirk on his lips.   
  
he said and dropped the man in his hands. He glared at the nervous guard and gave him an irritated look. he hissed and the guard bowed deeply and backed out of the room.   
Folken stepped inside and Dilandou sat down in the seat by the table and opened another bottle of wine among the many already emptied ones.  
He made a gesture towards the other seat.   
  
Please, have a seat Folken. he said, still grinning widely. Folken looked at him with a doubtful look and walked over to the table and sat down.   
Dilandou poured some wine into a glass and pushed it over the table to the other man. Folken glared at him. You're utterly drunk Dilandou... he said without recieving the glass. Dilandou took a drought of the bottle and turned his face to Folken.   
  
Do you know what else I am Folken... he said, the smirk suddenly fading into a most serious face. I am utterly furious. he said and Folken looked away with a sigh.   
  
The young boy lifted the bottle again and Folken reached out his metall arm and easily took it from him.   
I think you've had enough of this... he said and put it down on the table again. Dilandou frowned at him and clenched his teeth.   
  
What do you think I am Folken. Some naive child that can't handle myself? Is that it? Is that why you, all of a sudden, comes up with the idea that I mustn't leave the Vione. Is that what this is about?! he said, his voice growing louder.   
Folken sighed deeply and got to his feet again.   
  
No Dilandou, that is not it... he said calmly. The young boy rose from his seat and glared at the strategos with eyes burning of anger.  
What is it then?! Just fucking tell me what this is all about and stop ignore me like this! he yelled.  
A terrible silence falling over the room.  
  
Folken slowly turned around and faced the youth.   
  
Is that what this is about, Dilandou... you being ignored...? he said, his voice sounding almost soft all of a sudden.  
Dilandou gasped softly and his face changed slightly into a rather surprised expression.   
He stared at the strategos and clenched his fists hardly.   
  
Don't turn the question over to me! This is all your fault Folken and I hate you for doing this to me!! he yelled and shove his arm over the bottle crowded table. The glass shattered over the floor with a loud noise.   
  
Folken watched the raged youth intensly. This was Dilandou's way of reacting. He had seen him like this before, even though something seemed to be slightly different this time. Something seemed to have shattered along with those pieces of glass on the floor.  
  
He was just a boy after all. A boy imprissioned in a world of war and battle. He had seen enough blood and death in his life already. Wherever he looked it would be there by his side. However hard he closed his eyes he would still see the crimson blood staining the insides of his eyelids.  
  
Dilandou draught for his breath, his face still turned to the ground and the silver white bangs fell in his eyes.   
He tried to put the pieces together again, but it wasn't working anylonger. It wasn't made as quickly as all the times before, and he swallowed hardly. He was so tired of this.  
  
What is it you're trying to protect..?   
  
The other man's voice pierced through the silence suddenly and Dilandou gasped slightly.  
  
_What is it you're trying to protect?  
  
_He looked up and stared intensly at the man infront of him. His wide eyes no longer burning of rage but something else.  
  
Folken took a step forward slowly and stared deeply into the youth's red eyes.   
Dilandou let out a shivering breath and his body started to shudder slightly. He felt all dizzy all of a sudden.   
  
Unknown emotions seemed to overflow him and he didn't know how to controle it.   
He turned down his gaze quickly, afraid that the other man would notice the insecurity in his eyes. He rose his hands to his head slowly and bend forward slightly.   
What is this? he thought. What's happening to me..?  
  
Dilandou felt his legs getting weaker and he fell to his knees suddenly, unable to move. Folken knelt down beside him and reached out a hand towards him. he said softly and the boy hit his hand away from him.   
  
Don't touch me! he yelled and pushed his hands to his temples hardly.   
  
I-It's the wine.... he whispered for himself, desperatly trying to find a reason for those strange feelings rushing through his body that caused him to shiver like this.  
  
Even though Folken hadn't expected the boy to react like this, it was the kind of respons he had somehow been waiting for all this time. He had known for awhile that something wasn't right with the capten and that there was these things that no one knew anything about.  
The final relapse of the scientists little experiment, so to call it.  
  
It wasn't like the same boy at all. The facade was broken, the empty shell shattered.  
he said again and the boy didn't answer, his body was shivering heavily and his sight was fading. Folken turned his face around and shouted for the guard. Fetch a doctor, quickly!  
  
  
***  
  
**Authors note: **Gahh... I appologize for the sudden confusion about this fic. Umm, I have made a slight change in the plot so a few changes were made also in the following chapters.   
  
I rewrote the chapter and quite a few more things are to be added/changed, since I'm not 100% sure of where this story's going at all. But, more chapters are to be posted with the next update so stay alert, and please keep reading and reviwing!   
Thank you all ^__^  
  



	4. Chapter 4

  
  
The little girl was curled up in the darkest corner of the small cell. Jajuka stepped inside and kneeled down by her side. He put down the tray on the cold floor and tilted his head.   
  
He could hear the soft sobbing of the girl piercing through the deep silence.   
Please don't leave me alone... she whispered in fright as she muffled a sobb. Don't leave me... don't leave me alone... please take me back home...  
  
She was so afraid. Her tiny body was shivering all over and every muscle in her fragile body seemed to tense. Her small hands rubbing her eyes as new tears trickled down the pale cheeks.   
  
Her fate was so cruel. Jajuka didn't know how many children had suffered for the same fate but never made it.  
  
They had been many before her, though he knew that this girl was different. He couldn't really put his finger on it, but as soon as he had seen her, he had gotten a strong feeling she would make it.  
  
He reached out a hand towards her, ever so carefully, not to scare her further with his rather odd appeariance. His fingertips briefly touched her soft hair and he sighed softly. Poor thing... did they cut your hair..? he whispered sadly and the girl gasped slightly as she took away the hands from her eyes slowly.   
  
Crystal blue eyes, looked up on him anxiously. Glittering of tears and shining brightly of fear and fright for what the outher world would bring her.   
  
She gasped again as she excamined him intensly. Even though she felt delighted over his company. Maybe she already knew he was the one to help her through this cruel fate that was awaiting her, and that he would take care of her.  
At least she was relaxing slightly and her body was slowly going limp again. She swallowed hardly and forced herself to move her softly shivering lips.   
  
W...who are you? she whispered softly.  
  
Jajuka smiled with warmth at her. I am Jajuka. Don't worry, I wish you no harm. I am your guardian. he said. His voice was kind and calm.  
Celena looked at him with confused eyes. she whispered and Jajuka nodded slowly. Yes. I will take care of you from now on. Don't worry, I won't leave you alone. he said.   
  
The smile he had recieved then was his last clear remembrance of her. He would always remember how she had looked at that time. It was like a photgraphy forever frozen in his mind, and he would never forget it.   
  
Even though he hadn't been able to keep the promise they had made there and then, he could always try and forget the loss of her by remembering her as she had been while still alive.  
He would never reject her, even though she would be replaced by another and never smile like that again.  
  
***  
  
It was totaly still. The dim light gave the room an undescribable feeling of emptyness.   
Blue, glasslike eyes stared deeply into the boring nothingness. The clear space around him, that he woke up to every new day. His flawless face was totaly emotionless and his sight blank.  
  
Jajuka stood in the doorway, watching the frozen boy. It could just as well have been yesterday or the day before that, it would still be the same. The boy wouldn't move. He wouldn't speak or eat, or sleep either for that matter.  
  
He was just frozen. Stuck in a moment that kept him breathing - nothing more, nothing less than just living, lifelessly.  
  
The wolfman sighed and stepped into the room. He sat down beside the little boy on the bed and looked at him. he asked softly but the boy didn't react. He just kept on staring endlessly into the white wall infront of him.   
  
He wasn't older than seven, yet he had no future to look forward to in his already decayed life. It was all decided for him. He had no choices. He had no paths.  
The deep silence between them two remain for a long moment, and Jajuka found it rather unbearable.  
  
He draught for his breath and rose from the bed again, walking over to the window and stared at the closed windowshutters. Why do you keep these windows closed all the time, or is it _them_ who prevents you from opening them? he asked and glanced at the boy. Dilandou didn't answer. Simply because he had nothing to say.   
  
Jajuka sighed softly and reached out a hesitating hand, then he opened the dark window shutters and a bright light shone up the whole room.  
  
A slight reaction from the boy, who gasped softly and looked up, narrowing his eyes as he looked into the bright light.  
  
Jajuka couldn't resist smiling. Do you like it? he asked. The boy remain silent, just staring at the warm light shining upon his pale face.  
  
The wolfman watched him for a moment, then he turned around and walked towards the door again. You need some light up here Dilandou, why not keep them open for a while. he said and turned around slowly. To his surprise, he found the boy now looking at him. A surprised gasp escaped the man's lips quietly.  
  
They remain like that for a long moment, just staring deeply into each other's eyes.  
Jajuka had never had that kind of eye contact with the boy before. He felt a very uncommon feeling as he watched him like that. He couldn't fully describe it, neither could he name it, but it was something that awoke inside of him at that moment.  
  
In those crystal blue eyes, he could see the slight reflection of Celena. The girl inprisioned in eternal darkness. The girl deep within those eyes, far beyond the outher front.   
  
The experiments had been going on for quite a while now, and the girl once known as Celena was long gone. Though the soul of the boy was the same. Only the outside was different. Inside he was just empty. Blank. Deleted from the former life and memories of the little girl.  
  
All that was remaining of her, was the eyes.   
  
But far too soon, also that would be taken away, and the very last remembrance of the girl's excistance would be deleted together with those deep, sea blue eyes. She would be forgotten forever.   
And the poor boy, the scientists little tool, would gather a new life, and a totaly new sight, would look upon the world infront of him.  
  
Jajuka felt so sorry for the boy's only path. Though he couldn't do anything to save him. He couldn't stop what was already started. He didn't have the power to prevent one from hurting others.   
  
He didn't know how to change a persons fate...  
  
As he looked so deeply into those blue eyes. He felt all the helplessness owerhelm him. The fear, the sorrow, the anger, it all came washing over him.   
  
It was a great shock to him and he couldn't keep the eye contact. He looked away quickly and turned around. He left the room and closed the door carefully beside him. He let out a deep shivering breath and closed his eyes hardly.   
  
He hadn't realised it at first. The source of that silence that was always surrounding the boy. Like a thin veil sweapt around him within darkness and eternal silence.  
  
Those eyes.  
  
Those sea blue eyes.  
  
They were so unbelievably sad...  
  



	5. Chapter 5

_  
  
_He could remember her. The scent of her. The looks she gave him. Her ringing voice in his ears.  
  
Who are you? he used to ask her.   
  
But she never answered. She said nothing at all and just disappeared. She never really spoke to him. She was just blaming him for things he didn't know anything about. Things he wasn't supposed to know and never would.   
  
The things that she claimed he had taken away from her but he never knew he had. What had he done to her? He couldn't even remember her from somwhere before. He didn't know her, she was just there. All the time. A ghost in his maredreams. A shadow in his footsteps.  
  
Always there to blame and scold him for everything he was.  
  
He used to dream about walking into an empty room. When he got inside the room, he would see her, standing there in the middle of the floor. She always wore the same light dress and her sea blue eyes was fixed on him long before he appeared in the doorway.  
He didn't say anything, he just kept on staring at her. Her blue eyes. They were so cold.   
  
_Does it suit you, that body of mine...?_  
  
Yearning for something he didn't really know what it was. Compassion? A reached out hand. The memory of her, forever forgotten.   
  
He felt uneasy all at once again.   
  
His every muscle tensing and his body shuddering slightly.   
Her lips moving slightly and ever so slowly as the soft whisper pierced through the thick air, so only he would hear it.  
  
_Are you pleased now, with the life that you took... that can never be replaced again...?  
  
_He stared at her, clenching his fists hardly and straining himself not to burst. He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell at her and make her go away. But he couldn't move, his lips wouldn't shape the words.  
  
_Do you like the way they made you...?  
  
_The sentation in his body, he couldn't describe it. It felt like if he was sucked up into another world. Another universe. Like if someone was taking over his mind and controled his every breath.   
Everything went black and cold around him as soon as she appeared. Everything was starting to spin and his head aching.  
  
_You took it all away from me....  
  
_He clenched his teeth hardly. He was frozen, once again. The knuckles whitened on his hands from clenching them so hardly, it almost hurt. He strained himself to the limit. It didn't matter whatever he said to her. She'd not listen. She'd not hear him.  
  
Because she didn't exist...  
  
_Now... are you happy..?  
  
_Dilandou shook his head roughly and closed his eyes. Stop it! he thought. He rose his hands to his tempels and clenched his teeth even harder.   
  
_The monster they made me into... born from darkness, sinful and ugly... you're all alone now...  
  
_Her voice pierced through the silence like an explosion and he felt the words stabb him like a thousands of knives, straight to the heart, now if he even had one. He closed his eyes hardly and pressed his palms to his head.  
  
_._  
  
Dilandou cried out loudly and woke up with a flinch. The pain in his numb body ached and he felt the needles sticking in his skin. He kept on screaming in terrify and one of the scientists grabbed each his arms and pressed him down onto the border again. The boy was struggling desperatly and the tears kept flowing from his terrified eyes. The heavy pantings echoing through the room as he tried to catch his breath.   
  
Stop it! What are you doing! Let go of me! he cried desperatly. His hoarse voice piercing through the silence in the room. He looked around quickly but couldn't recall seeing the place before. All memories of an earlier existance seemed totaly unthinkable to him. He sweapt his eyes over the room and to the door.   
  
There he froze. There she was. Standing there, staring back at him. Her blue eyes fixed on him with a cold look. It was her. His tormentor and his saviour. Someone who could have been the same or someone who could have been the total opposite. His reflection. She was standing eye to eye with him, in a terrifying nightmare that he would never return from.  
  
Suddenly he felt a terrible pain in his neck and he gasped. Feeling the liquid flowing into his body and mixing with his blood.   
  
He gasped slightly and saw her image getting blury. He wanted to scream again, just like before. But this time it was different. A part of him wanted to call for help. Could she save him? Could she make it go away? She was the only reliable link to the only reality he knew. His memories, they were all of her. His mind, it would also be of her. But not if she disappeared now. If she left him alone, she'd be deleted. All of him would be deleted... reborn.   
  
His memories all forgotten. His only guidance, it would all shatter to pieces and never come together again. He would wander lost in the timeless sea of nothingness. Who'd guide him in the darkness if not her. She was the only one who knew him.   
  
_all the memories... all that you are... it belongs to the past my sweet prins, you who took it all away from me, I shall return you the very same favour...  
  
_He froze and his eyes grew wide as he suddenly saw a cold smirk curl up her pale lips. Then slowly, she was fading. Deleted from time and place. Forever lost in his mind and soul. Forever forgotten just like his memories. He had lost his very last resort.   
  
He desperatly started to scream and struggle. But they didn't listen to his prayers. They didn't care however much he screamed. They would show no mercy to him.  
  
Dilandou felt his body going numb and his eyelids getting heavy. He collapsed onto the cold border lifelessly.  
  
Jajuka watched the scene from outside the laboratory, not able to do anything for the young boy. He couldn't do else than watch him fall apart as they destoryed his mind and soul and built up a new one in replacement. He was already falling apart.  
  
_Stop it! What are you doing!_ _Let go of me!!  
_  
Celena had uttered the exact same thing as the boy, just the night before the experiments had started. The terrified little girl had been so afraid of him at first.   
  
Just like Dilandou had.  
  
Their reactions had been the same. At first, Jajuka had thought they would at least share the same mind and memories. But the scientist had other thoughts in mind.  
  
They erased everything. They made another mind. Another memory. Another future.  
Just to fill out the spaces. The missing pieces that the boy would never find.  
Jajuka closed his eyes and opened the door. Still hearing the girls voice echoing in his head.  
  
_Don't leave me alone...  
_


End file.
